


I Left You Once

by ronniedae



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Krolia destroyed me okay, Light Angst, Pining, There's Sheith lurking in the background too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 07:44:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13876338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ronniedae/pseuds/ronniedae
Summary: She catches her final glimpse of Earth on the radar before Kolivan engages the thrusters. She tucks the tiny picture of Keith in the back pocket of her pack as she tries to shake the sound of his cries still ringing in her ears. Kolivan, surprisingly, doesn’t lecture her about having ‘no personal effects’. He merely raises his brow as she turns away from him.After a two-year posting to the little known blue planet, Krolia leaves Keith with her blade and a pain in her chest.She clutches her hand over her chest as the ship accelerates, and feels her heart begin to crack.





	I Left You Once

 

**I Left You Once**

 

She meets the Blades on the edge of the solar system; a small moon that the humans had called ‘Kerberos’ long before they had any idea the impact that it would have in aeons to come. She has a heavy heart, and an empty sheath.

She catches her final glimpse of Earth on the radar before Kolivan engages the thrusters. She tucks the tiny picture of Keith in the back pocket of her pack as she tries to shake the sound of his cries still ringing in her ears. Kolivan, surprisingly, doesn’t lecture her about having ‘no personal effects’. He merely raises his brow as she turns away from him.

After a two-year posting to the little known blue planet, Krolia leaves Keith with her blade and a pain in her chest.

She clutches her hand over her chest as the ship accelerates, and feels her heart begin to crack.

\--

Krolia heads off to mission control the moment they land back on base. She throws herself in the work; desperate for any kind of distraction to ease the ache in her heart. It works well enough, for a while.

She’s lucky enough to be one of the operatives that can still go undercover. A lifetime of precise decisions and a growing status in the Empire means she can almost get away with coming and going as she pleases.

She doesn’t stay around base much, though.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s fifteen years before she catches another glimpse of her son; it’s the blink of an eye for her race. Enough time for him to nearly be an adult.

She couldn’t help herself. When they needed someone to check the status of the blue lion, her hand was in the air before she could even register it leaving her side. She catches a frown pressing in to Thace’s cheeks from across the room. He grabs her wrist as she tries to whisk away after the meeting.

“Krolia.” His voice is laced with concern.

“I’ll be fine. It’s just a mission. That quadrant is quiet, and I’m stationed near there with the empire anyway.” She blurts out her excuse before he even asks for one.

“I know, I’m stationed there too.”  

She raises her brow. “You are?”

“Yeah, just had a promotion. Haggar is sending me there to retrieve information for her.”

“On?”

“There’s been an unusual amount of quintessence in the area lately.”

Krolia’s eyes widen. “Thace -”

“- The lion. I know. I’ll be able to throw them off the scent for a while, at least.”

He studies her as she uncharacteristically shifts uncomfortably on her feet.

“Unless…” He trails off.

“Unless?”

He sighs. “Unless there’s something else you’re worried - ”

“ - Nothing! There’s nothing.”

An uneasy silence settles over the room, begging one of them to break it. Thace, finally does.

“Okay. As long as you’re sure. We’ll head back to the Empire’s fleet tomorrow?”

She nods, and he pulls the door behind him as he leaves. Krolia releases her breath, and with her hand to her chest, the crack in her heart begins to ache again.

\--

It’s only three days later that she nearly crashes her ship in the desert; a slight miscalculation having thrown her off course. She’d taken over the controls and managed to get out of view and in to the dunes in the last moment.

She huffs as she steps out into the hot sand. Luckily, the ship has sustained minimal damage and she’s not too far from the lion anyway. She’ll be able to fix it as the tests run.

She never actually expected to see him. Not really. Coming here was just a moment of weakness. An act of desperation to ignite a lost connection. But humans were plentiful, and the planet is bigger than most. Plus, there simply not enough time to go looking for him, and she damn well knows she shouldn’t.

The Blades of Marmora are not meant to have attachments. They’re meant to leave them all behind; emotions have no place in their resistance. Blades are cold; quick and cunning. Blades sacrifice their lives without question with for the future of the many - there is no time to think of the few.

Blades are not meant to fall in love and have babies on strange planets light-years from the Empire.

So; she never expects to see him. But then, there he is. Racing some primitive vehicle across the desert dunes.

She shakes the thought from her mind, at first. There’s no way it could be him, all the way out here where it’s far too dangerous. But there’s a heavy weight pressing on her chest and a ringing in her ears that tells her to follow the black-haired boy. So she does.

She follows him further out into the desert. Closer - she realises with a dreadful pang - to the ancient Blue lion. He finally disembarks the hoverbike at the side of dusty wooden shack.

She’s desperate to see his face, but it’s covered with a sun-bleached handkerchief and he disappears into the wooden structure before taking it off.

Still, some strange feeling possesses her to stay. She has to know more about the boy she’s nearly convinced is her own.

So she follows him. He emerges from the shack a little before dusk, and heads back to a large governmental facility. She dares not to follow; the security is far too much to risk providing the lion is safe and sound.

Plus, humans still don’t know much about the universe outside of their solar system. She figures she’d be far too much to explain.

He doesn’t smile enough, she notices, in the days she spends following him traipsing out in the barren desert where she’s sure he doesn’t belong.

She becomes convinced that it’s not Keith, because really, why would it be? But still, she keeps following him around the dunes of the dusty desert.

It’s an act of desperation, she figures on the fourth and final day before she leaves. She’d finally seen his face that morning.

He’d spent the night out in the desert and emerged just as the sun was prickling along the horizon. There was nothing covering his face. His hair was tied back in to a loose bun and he looked relaxed as he drank tea in the light of sunrise.

The revelation comes with the midday sun. He’d returned back inside for a few hours, giving her the chance to finish her final checks. She decided to break for something eat within eyeshot of him, and is amused to find that he’s set up some kind of sparring equipment in the sand.

She’s impressed, to say the least. As she watches him flip and turn around the punch bags. _He’s decent._ She thinks, especially considering his age and stature. Then; it comes from seemingly nowhere.

_Luxite._ Glinting in the harsh sun. He may as well have taken the blade to her chest.

She stands up, and dares to inch closer than she already is. He’s attacking a wooden pole with it; stabbing and slicing as he figures out the best motions to match his grip.

The knife is hers. The boy is her son.

\--

The sun sets and she readies to leave; she’s overstayed really. Her checks and tests could have been completed days ago. She takes the ship round to the dunes not far from his little shack. Desperate for one last stolen look. She gets it; he’s standing on the hillside in the twilit breeze.

She’ll be gone in less than a tick; he might turn and wonder what the sudden light was. He might not. But for now, she can still see him from the window of her ship. He is running his hands through his hair and looking up at the stars.

Then it happens, just as she engages the thrusters and is ready to rocket from the planet. Something glints in the distance. Keith turns to meet someone, she’s unable to see who. But he’s taller. And he makes Keith smile.

It’s the best thing she’s seen in fifteen years.

There was no sign of his father, she realises as she breaks through the atmosphere . The crack, once-dormant in the centre of her chest, grumbles to life.

 

* * *

 

Another three years pass before she sees anything of her son again.

She demands to be sent for the inspection after she learns that Zarkon’s forces had entered the quadrant. No one seems overly willing to protest; and most shift in their seats, thankful that someone else has volunteered for the unwanted task. They all know what it means to be captured by the Empire and the risk posed here is all too high.

She climbs on board the human ship; the technology seems primitive, outdated. Far unlike anything her grandparents would have used let alone herself. She’s surprised it made it out this far in to the little solar system in the first place. But she knows, better than most, that the quiet little race are hardy, and have much to accomplish.  
  
The bunks are adorned with the crews personality; it’s a nearly foreign concept. _No personal effects_ ; a Blade rule from day one. So it strikes her as strange, to see the pictures pinned around their sleeping capsules.  
  
The picture she keeps burns a hole against her hip, as if it’s screaming to be picked out. She puts her hand in to her pack and rubs the pocket in a sordid attempt to relieve it. She’s nearly tempted to make some excuse to head toward Earth. But she knows she can’t.

Blades are not meant to have family, but Keith is her best kept secret.

Krolia runs her hand through her hair; pulling at the ends in a desperate attempt to shake the thought of her son from her mind. He has no place on this sombre mission.

She always was, during her short stint on the Planet Earth, fascinated by the trinkets humans keep. As if their possessions made up the very fabric of their being.  
  
The first two bunks appear to be of little consequence to her; their contents reveal that the members are related. The elder one seems very intelligent; nearly too intelligent for where his species lie in its development.

His console is littered with notes detailing experiments and inventions that even the Empire would love get their hands on. Well - she supposes they have now, providing they didn’t simply kill him.

She audibly groans at the passing thought, and moves on to the next bunk. The younger seems to miss home a little more; his pictures seem to be further worn and he has strange scribbles on his work such as ‘Can’t wait to show Katie this!!!’

She’s spending too long inside the ship, a fragment of her mind tells her as she leaves the bunks and heads down the cramped hall. But. She’s far too fascinated to leave.

The captain’s bunk is separate. Closer to the controls. It’s slighter smaller. And kept clean; militant, even. It reminds her of her own.  
  
She’s almost ready to decide that it’s of little consequence to her when she stops; a torn piece of paper poking its way out from the under the singular pillow catches her eye.  
  
It belongs to a much larger collection of paper; shoved in an elasticated leather book. It’s a kind of diary, she realises. She scoffs at the thought; diaries are reserved for little kids with dreams larger than they should dare to have. And they’re certainly not with pen and paper.

He must have ran out of pages some months ago, she notices as the thumbs through the book. He’s been adding to it with scraps.  
  
It’s almost as if he’s writing it to someone, a sort of long distance love letter. The idea is practically foreign to her. Letters an almost forgotten commodity of her time on Earth. Plus, it’s not like he could even send it.  
  
She’s drawn to it, though, in the same strange way she was drawn to the boy in the desert several years ago. She sits down on the bed, growing more intrigued by its contents.  
  
_Day 207._  
_We’re nearing Kerberos now – we’re closer than any person has ever been!! You can actually see it; it’s barely a blip on the radar and just looks like a star to me. But the Holts are excited._  
_I’ve been struggling to sleep more and more the closer we get._  
_I figure it’s because I’m further from you._  
  
She sighs, the pang of the heartache is almost as distant as letters for her.  
  
_Day 219._  
_I poked my head in the Holt’s laboratory today to see how they were getting on with their space experiments. I figure they must be going well - they hardly noticed I was there._ _  
_ I wish I could share this with you. The stars are unlike anything I’ve ever seen.

  
_Day 234._  
_I decided to do a full engine and system check - again. You were right._  
_Should have packed another book._  
  
_Day 242._  
_Still not getting enough sleep. I miss sleep. I miss chocolate, too._ _  
_ _And you_.

  
_Day 251._  
_Sorry I’ve not written in a few days. I borrowed a book from Matt. It’s honestly terrible, some teenager saving the whole world shit._  
_It turned out to be a trilogy. I can’t believe I didn’t put them down._  
_I can’t wait to tell you about it._  
  
_Day 273._  
_Nearly there. We can actually see it now. I miss you._  
  
_Day 278._  
_Remember that time we snuck out to the desert? The first time, I mean. When we found the old abandoned shack._  
_It was freezing, remember? I wondered why you’d passed up the opportunity to drive the hover bike but then you kept putting your hands up my shirt to keep them warm!_  
_Honestly? I complained but I was just pissed I didn’t think of it first._  
_We climbed the little hill to the side of it; armed with pilfered hot chocolate and cheese sandwiches._  
_You ran up ahead of me, always so excited to be out of the confines of the Garrison._  
_Remember the moon? How big it was? So clear in the sky and the heat of the day had turned it orange. You had such a big smile on your face. You were so happy._  
_That’s the moment, that’s when I realised that I was in love with you._  
_That’s the way Kerberos looks now. This big orange circle in the night sky._  
_I should love this, I should be amazed by this - the Holts are._  
  
_But Keith, all I can think of is how much I miss you._  
  
Krolia doesn’t realise she’s stopped breathing until her lungs force her to take a sharp intake that splinters the crack in her heart.  
  
_Keith._  
  
She brings up her wrist, and uses the electronic band on it to search for the name in the little book. 342 times. Three hundred and forty-two times _his_ name appears in the scrawl of some random Earth pilot unlucky enough to land on this moon.  
  
She’s nearly hyperventilating as she walks out from the bunk and in to the control room, still clutching the battered book. She keeps reminding herself that it isn’t her Keith. That the baby boy she left crying nearly two decades ago is not the same Keith this man writes to each day.  
  
It’s not him. There’s no way, she figures, as she shakes her head; suddenly realising that she’s on a mission and has work to do.  
  
It’s not him.  
  
She knows she shouldn’t keep it, but she’s tucking the little book in to the side of her pack when she spots it on the edge of the main console; wedged between a gap on the panelling.

The crack deepens.

She wonders if the gravity receptors are acting up as she takes her next step; suddenly slow, and heavy. She can hardly bring herself to shuffle across the corrugated flooring.  
  
The crack keeps breaking.  
  
It’s almost as if it hurts; the photograph. As she grabs it, it sends a shiver through her fingers and up her arm that settles in her chest. Rumbling the crack running through her heart; she can feel another splinter with each breath.

There’s the captain; she recognises him from an ID badge placed over his bunk.  
  
Then there is Keith. It’s unmistakable. If not from his mop of deep black hair. Or his lavender eyes. But her sword in its hilt around his belt.  
  
_It’s her Keith._

He’s smiling. The same smile she caught a glimpse of in the desert all those years ago.

The cracks grows; widens and deepens as she hastily shoves the stolen photo alongside the beaten book her pack. As she leaves the ship, she finally feels her heart break in two.

 

* * *

 

She spends most of the next year in a secluded kind of madness. She throws herself in to every mission that just might connect her to the moon-stolen humans. Kolivan is mostly unquestioning to her sudden interest. But Thace seems to constantly watch her.

He’s waiting for her when she returns late one night; leaning up against her door, arms crossed in his usual fashion. Neither of them speak as she lets him in.

“So…” He breaks the silence. She ignores him as she continues to empty her pack. “Are you ever going to actually tell me, or are we going to keep pretending that I don’t know?”

Krolia sighs as she continues to put things away. “About what, Thace?”

She shakes her pack, checking that she’s removed the last of its contents. A book falls to the floor. A photo slips from between the pages. Thace nearly topples her; desperate to grab it first.

He holds it up to her face. Her chest already pounding. “ _Him_.”

She’s determined not to cry. “What am I meant to do? I already left him.” She speaks through gritted teeth.

He sighs, and releases her. She’s shaking as he hands the stolen photo back and opens the door to leave.

“Thace! You can’t - ”

“- Tell anyone? As if I would.” He smiles, though it’s a little sad, as he closes her door.

\--

It’s Thace that tells her – he almost doesn’t have to. She finds that familiar crack in her heart when she rounds the corner and spots him with his arms crossed, leaning up against her bunk door.

“I didn’t want you to find out somewhere else.”

She furrows her brows as she opens her door to let him in. With a click of a button the room is illuminated.

“ _Voltron._ ” She breathes, the word a gasp on her lips.

Her eyes widen with shock. “Do we have any information on the pilots?”

Then Thace has that look again; the same one plastered on his face nearly a year ago. “They appear to be Earthlings.”

He’s careful with each word; pronouncing them slowly, letting each syllable roll over his tongue. Her breath catches in her throat. She can feel her pulse in the clench of her jaw. Thace taps his wrist again and images of her son project between them.

“He’ll be okay.” He says.

She hardly hears him.

\--

When she finds out that Thace tipped him off, she is furious. It burns; deep from the halves of her heart and swells

“All I did was was give him the final push.”

“But _why?_ ” She pleads.

“Because he was going to find it anyway.”

“You don’t know that!” Krolia shouts, her words bounce off the walls.

Thace keeps his calm. “I do, Krolia.”

She merely yells out in frustration.

“Do you really think he was ever going to escape any of this? He’s half Galra, Krolia. He’s half _you._ It was only a matter of time.”

“He might have! You don’t -” She chokes on her own words. “ - You don’t know.”

She’s spluttering and Thace moves across the room to wrap her in a rare embrace.

“This way, we can keep him safe,” He promises.

\--

She’s back in her room before they can finish presenting the report. She’d walked in to the room to images of Thace – and her son – projected in the centre console.

It’s the second time she’s seen her son in as many months. She can’t count the number of times she wishes she hadn’t.  

She leans up against her door; tapping her feet on the ground and thumping her fist against her chest where the crack across the halves of her heart splinters.

Thace is dead; turns out he made right on that promise. She’s known him most of her life. Blades are not meant to have best friends. But hers is dead.

Her heart splinters for someone other than her son.                                                                      

\--

Krolia rushes back to base; the news of Keith’s trail ringing in her ears. Kolivan is there to meet her at the entry port. A scowl wears it’s way deep in his cheeks, she fears for a moment that it will break his jaw.

She opens her mouth to explain, but the words fall short on her lips. She simply stutters out a broken cry. She clenches her fists as her tears splash the metal flooring.

“So a human boy shows up at our hidden base with one of our blades.” His words are spoken softer than she expected.

She struggles to respond. “H-how…”

“Ulaz gave the black paladin the coordinates.”

“You let him join?” She spits, seething.

“He passed our tests. Activated his - _your_ blade. He’s one of us now.”

She loses all strength in her legs and falls to ground, hands clutching the clothes over her chest. She’s furious, overwhelmed at the shock of information. The halves of her heart begin to splinter again, and she wonders if she can take it splitting in to quarters.

“I think it’s best you spent some time away from base. I have a mission on a quieter outpost for you; if you play your cards right, you could get one of the Empire’s biggest weapons in to our grasp.”

He leaves her spluttering on the flight deck; the clink of his shoes echoing down the hall.

It’s not quite a punishment, but it may as well be.

 

* * *

 

She recognises the sword first. She can hardly breathe when she sees it.

She catches the familiar Blade uniform from the corner of her eye; she isn’t surprised and has been expecting an extraction for a while now.

She just didn’t expect it to be her son. 

It’s almost instantaneous; the weight she finds pressing the centre of her chest, and the rapid thumping in her ears. Krolia makes no effort to keep undercover, all she wants is to keep him safe.

So she does just that, potentially unleashing a mighty to beast to more than this Galran outpost in the far-corner of some half-abandoned galaxy. 

She does not take the time to care, however, for anyone but her son.

\--

He’s tense, even after they’re out of the crossfire. Her revelation still echoes around the cockpit. She notices his hands shake on the controls. He doesn’t switch over to autopilot, even though he can.

She leans over; placing her hands on top of his before she even realises what she’s doing. 

He looks at her, eyes wide and startled. 

“It’s okay.” She says, softly. 

He seems to relax; a small amount. The tension leaves his shoulders and the tremor leaves his hands. 

“Okay.” He says. He keeps his brows furrowed and his eyes locked on the screen. 

She takes her hands back and folds them in her lap. They spend the next three hours in a sort of stunned silence. She’d never planned to meet him; even after his introduction to the Blades. But here they both are; barely breathing in a stolen fighter ship.

Her heart quarters.

\--  
  
They’re nearly there; flying outside the hidden base, when he stops. Leaves the fighter ship, hovering its place, and turns to her.  
  
“You had to go.”  
  
It’s nearly a question, but they both know the answer. Tears prick her eyes. She nearly laughs at the human reaction.  
  
He sighs. “Okay.”  
  
He doesn’t say anything else, nor does she, as they enter the base and report back to Kolivan. She’s gonna fucking murder him, she thinks. As he passes his eyes back and forth between them.  
  
“I need to report to Voltron.” He states. And whisks away before either of them can stop him.

Kolivan’s presence is overbearing, but she’s furious. Krolia waits until Keith’s footsteps are an echo down the long, metal hallway before turning to him; fire in her eyes.

“You sent _ him _ .” Her words drip with rage. 

“He was the best option.” Kolivan is calm. Calculated, cold even. 

“You can’t believe that!” She’s seething as she raises her voice. “He’s -”

“He’s  _ good.  _ He thinks on his feet, he’s never failed a mission. He resents the idea of it. He’s quick; excellent in combat and ruthless in his execution.” Kolivan sighs. “He never leaves anyone behind.”

Pain resonates in her chest yet again; she can can feel it ricocheting off her ribcage and settling as a lump in her throat. Kolivan sighs again.

“He’s good.” He repeats.

_ He likes him.  _ She realises. And suddenly the ache in her chest is replaced with a bubble of pride she knows she shouldn’t have. 

Kolivan shakes his head at the smile making its way onto her face. “Yeah?” She asks.

“Yes. Go. Rest and clean up.” With that, he follows suit down the hall, leaving her blubbering and grinning.  _ He likes him. _

It’s not quite forgiveness, but it may as well be.

\--

Keith returns to the base only a few hours later; she’s barely had enough time to shower and eat. She’s back in her Blades uniform for the first time in too long; rummaging through one of the quieter kitchens, hoping, in vain, for something that tastes sweet.

The Empire thinks little of sugar, but Krolia has always loved it. She’d love Earth’s infatuation with it; chocolate and sweets and fudge and…

“Cheesecake.”

She startles Keith as he walks in holding a stack of plastic containers. 

“Huh?” His eyebrows furrow.

“You’ve got cheesecake.”

“Oh… yeah. Hunk made it.”

“Hunk. The yellow paladin?”

Keith nods in response.

“He… cooks?”

Keith nods again. “He…” He trails off, biting his bottom lip, looking for the words. “He always sends me back here with food. Says that Galrans don’t appreciate sugar enough or something…”

He mumbles the last part, avoiding her gaze the whole time. “I like it though.”

“Huh?” She asks.

“Sugar, I mean. I… I like sweet things.”

He shifts uncomfortably in place, eyes darting around the room. He sighs. “Shiro says I should tell you things… about me, I mean. So…” He sighs again. “So I like sweet things.”

_ Takashi ‘Shiro’ Shirogane. The captain. The back-haired pilot from the dusty spaceship on that tiny moon. The Leader of the Paladins.  _

“The black paladin?” She asks, as if she is none the wiser.

He nods; still, he is hardly looking at her. Standing awkwardly with an armful of boxes.

“I like cheesecake.” Krolia says, motioning to the clear tub on the top of the pile. 

She struggles to make sense of his expression as he places the pile of boxes on the countertop. He’s quiet, his movements follow suit as he looks for plates. 

“Um…” His voice is quiet too. She has a feeling that he’s usually a little louder. 

Keith bites his lip again, and looks all too much like his father. “Hunk says that this one -” He motions to box on top. “ - is kind of like lemon.” The treat is a deep blue colour, with a luminous green biscuit base. 

“And, um -” He separates the three boxes, and lifts the middle one. “ - this one is like chocolate.” Again, the colour does little to match the flavour. It’s pale pink. 

“And uh… well -” He lifts the third and final box with a mild disgust they both share. “ - I have no idea.” 

They both grimace at the odd-looking desert. It seems to be melting in on itself and somehow growing at the same time. 

“Lemon is good.” She decides. 

She spots the familiar tremor in his wrist as he collects a pair of plates. He hands her a slice, and a spoon. She’s nearly surprised to see him stay; perched on the edge of the countertop, feet up on the stool. 

They eat the sweet treat with no noise other than the gentle whirring that comes along with a spaceship; the low hum is almost comforting. 

But still, he doesn’t look at her. She wonders if she has any heart left.

\--

Krolia finally breaks the silence. She takes a deep breath; then echoes her words from amidst the earlier battle.

“I left you once, I won’t leave you again.”

Keith’s eyes are soft; the rest of his features seem to follow suit as he closes them and takes a deep breath. His eyelashes are long enough to touch his cheeks.

“Okay.” 

She dangles the fork, forgotten in the palm of her hand. The crack in her heart begins to heal. It closes at the splintered edges first; she can feel her heart beat easier as he looks at her properly for the first time. Instead of darting around the room - his eyes are planted firmly on hers.

He smiles, as if all is simply forgiven. The crack disappears, and the pieces of her heart snap back together.

  
  
  


   


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! <3
> 
> This popped straight in to my head as soon as I watched Season 5 - Krolia came for me.
> 
> Catch me on tumblr - @patienceyieldsfocus


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